Tom and Jerry

Maybe you're thinking of the cat and mouse cartoon, but rather than talking about 2 creatures who hated each other, I'll talk about 2 who loved each other.

I grew up in a really nice neighborhood in SE P-town. From the time I was 2 years old until I was 17, we lived in a big, beautiful house with a nice backyard and neighbors on either side. Tom and Jerry lived on one side of us, and had been there before we moved in. My bedroom window overlooked their house, and they were really nice neighbors, sweet to my sister and me, and kept their house and yard looking beautiful at all times. They didn't have any children, but didn't mind it when we occasionally ran through their backyard with the other children (years later a fence went up, but I have no idea who initiated that, nor did I care). We were just told to be very careful of their plants as they kept a beautiful flower garden.

I saw Tom quite a bit, as he came and went, but not much of Jerry. Yet it was always 'Tom and Jerry's house.' But then I found out Jerry had died. A bit later, he was replaced by Bill (not his real name).

Then when I was about 12, we got some new neighbors on the other side of us, Tom and Mark. Luckily, Tom had 2 daughters who happened to be the same age as my sister and me, so we got to know them and played together and had fun running back and forth to each other's houses.

It wasn't until I was in high school and had more exposure to the world at large that it dawned on me that I had neighbors on both sides of me who were gay. Until then, it was just 'two men live in each of those houses' without any sort of judgment or strangeness surrounding it.

This would not have been possible without having two parents who were themselves, non-judgmental, at least to my sister and me, about this fact. For that, I am so, so grateful. I grew up seeing people who loved each other, regardless of gender, as normal.

I know I'll have no problem passing this value on to my child(ren), but I do wonder at what age they will come to know the words that define different loving gender relationships and what they mean. If I am lucky, like me, it will all seem totally normal and nothing to even think about until they are old enough for critical thinking skills.

And to Tom and Jerry, still thinking of you.