New Ink!

Yesterday I got new ink, and I am so happy with it!

I first wrote about my tattoo thoughts here. This flower is the next step in a whole plan that I have for my back, and it is right where my heart chakra is.

I got this one because one of the things I love about myself is that I have a very open heart. I also don't ever want to forget that, or ever let my heart close up. This is a reminder of who I am and who I want to continue to be.

I also got a star for baby S. added to my tattoo on my lower back. It feels so good to have that there.

Tattoo Thoughts

I've been thinking a LOT about tattoos lately. Since I made the decision to go to the ayahuasca workshop in Brazil, I have had a strong feeling that I need to put a purple lotus flower on my back heart chakra. One of the things that I didn't mention in my Ayahuasca Experience post was that during the 3rd journey I asked about getting that lotus tattoo. I was told yes, to go ahead and get it, and then was shown a dual image of myself -- my front side all natural, and my back side tattoo'ed. I was also told that I must also get a tattoo of a bird on the back of my neck and a tattoo of a crystal. I was totally surprised by that.

So I've been thinking about it and developing it for awhile. I realized that the tattoos I have and the ones I am to get correspond to the chakra system, even though I didn't initially plan it that way. What I have now on my lower back and reaching onto my butt correspond to the first 2 chakras -- the roots for the first chakra and the representation of me as a female woman (blue star) and my children that came from my reproductive system (second chakra). The red star represents Il Tonino and I will get a star for each child I have.

I got the blue star back in 2000. At the time I had no idea why I picked a blue star, but it just seemed right. I've always figured I'd learn the why later. The William Wordsworth poem that is in the sidebar to this blog is one that I love, love, love. In it he says "Our life's Star". I got chills when I realized the connection.

To add even more to the story... after we made plans to go to Brazil, I went to see my massage therapist. She had been giving me massages for about 5 years, and so we knew each other really well in that capacity. Before giving me the massage, I told her about our planned trip to Brazil and the workshop with the ayahuasca. Turns out that she was intimately familiar with Aya! She'd never drank the plant medicine, but regularly communicated with Aya. Also, her sweetheart had JUST completed an ayahuasca ceremony. Amazing. Unbeknownest to me, during the massage she proceeded to communicate with Aya and asked her to give me what I needed in order to prepare for my trip. While I was receiving the massage, Aya told me that there was a book that I must read, and showed me an image of the book and where it was located on my bookshelf. It was one that Mike had purchased but I had never read. I got home, found the book exactly where she told me it would be, and saw the title: New Chakra Healing. The book had information in it that was exactly what I needed for personal and spiritual growth at the time.

Thus I became very familiar with the chakra system. When I was told that I had to get a tattoo of a bird on the back of my neck, it made so much sense to me. The chakra there is the 5th one, the throat chakra and representing ego. Not only have I been letting go of my ego, but I've been finding my true voice, and releasing it. A bird taking flight with its beak open in song.

While in Brazil I picked up one of the books that they have available for participants to read, and read about how birds, flowers, and crystals have always been considered to be representations of the divine. For me, my tattoos are a marriage between my physical and spiritual self. I'm fascinated by how this is all coming together in a very non-logical way.

I have the 1st and 2nd chakras/tattoos. The 4th will be a lotus flower, the hope and the blooming of the love in my heart (sorry if that is too cheesy). The 5th will be a bird on the back of my neck.

So the 3rd? That is my weakest chakra at the moment and the one that needs the most work. Until recently I've had no idea what is to be the tattoo for that one, but in the last few days I've suddenly gotten an inkling -- the crystal. I'd forgotten about that one. But for me, it makes so much sense in so many ways.

I'm excited to begin working with my tattoo artist to pull all this together and make the whole thing flow and look beautiful. Not sure when I'll actually start getting the ink, but it will happen sometime. What holds me back more than anything is my mom. She hates tattoos, and I hate not having her respect in that regard. Its that moment when she discovers/sees a new tattoo that is hard for me, I can just feel those what have you done? I really don't like that vibes coming off her body and from the expression on her face. The pain of that is worse than the pain of getting inked! But going ahead with this is part of that bird taking flight. I'm just not sure whether to start on this ink before this fall (my mom will definitely see me in a bathing suit in December...) or wait until after I have my planned second baby.

This morning I read something Kevin Costner said that was published in Parade (random, huh?) that said "We're afraid of a lot of things in life...it's part of the human condition. What do we fear? Love? Failure? Telling the truth about ourselves? I think we don't show people all we truly are because we're afraid that if they actually know everything about us, they won't love us. I'm as guilty of that as anyone." That really struck a chord in me. Even if I get more tattoos and my mom doesn't like them, she won't stop loving me. She doesn't have to like them, but she'll still love me. That's important.