Children with Siblings

When I was younger, I had a very best friend from 1st grade through 12th. We were in every class together for the first 8 years (the benefits of going to a school with one classroom per grade) and then in the same high school. We had a great time together.

However, there was one thing that made me crazy -- she would occasionally spank slap me on the butt. I really, really, really disliked that. It always took me by surprise and felt like more like a punishment rather than a form of affectionate touching. But that is how she meant it -- she was the 2nd of 4 children, each spaced 2 years apart, and they were a rowdy, affectionate, physical bunch. I, on the other hand, am the oldest child with a sister born 6.5 years after me. We were raised that it was *not* okay to hit each other (which we did sometimes -- we would hit each other when our frustration levels with each other got out of control. As the older sister, I got the brunt of the punishment for it.)

Il Tonino is very gentle. It is very rare that he hits anyone or anything. Thus when someone hits or shoves him, he gets very surprised and upset and it usually results in tears. I am starting to notice that when he plays with kids who are the oldest/don't have other siblings old enough to play with, physical rowdyness rarely happens. However, when he interacts with those with older siblings or many siblings, he will sometimes be pushed/shoved or something happens that is not physically nice.

Seems to me this is a trend? Usual? If nothing else, it just makes me want to watch a little bit closer when Il Tonino is playing with others who have siblings. Not in a bad way, just keeping my eye out... I certainly don't think this applies to everyone who has siblings, but that is what I have experienced so far. Your thoughts?

Mean People Suck

Man, it's been one of those days...

Il Tonino and I went to the playground this morning. It was nice and sunny on the way there and the playground was empty. We had a great time together. Il Tonino has not wanted to be on the swings at all for over a year now, but has recently become interested in the tire swing. So the two of us went on it together and had a great time. It was really heartwarming to play with my boy that way.

A while later, the school next door let their kids out for recess. This is a Montessori school that is on the list for me to look at for Il Tonino. A group of boys, ages 4-5? had banded together and were running around the grass. Il Tonino loves nothing more than to run with other kids, so he went running after them. They had stopped in a corner of the field and turned on the 2 year old as he approached and were pretending they had claws and were growling at him. Il Tonino didn't quite know what to do, and just kind of froze in place. I quickly went over there and asked him if he was okay, and explained that they were playing monsters and did he want to be a monster, too? One of the boys informed me that they were, in fact, dinosaurs, and you had to run really fast if you wanted to be one of them. Then they ran off.

Il Tonino kept running after them, and laughing. A few times they turned on him again, but very briefly. Once Il Tonino tripped and fell, and the boys started laughing at him and pointing. Then I saw one of the older ones twice deliberately try to trip Il Tonino from behind. Luckily he didn't succeed, and I quickly went over to them and the boy took off running when he saw me. Sheesh! A very short time later Il Tonino somehow got in the middle of the boys as they were running off and one of them (not deliberately, but thoughtlessly) cut Il Tonino off, almost knocking him over, and then another boy pushed him from behind. At that point Il Tonino, while not physically hurt, realized how much that hurt emotionally, and sobbed on my shoulder for a minute. My heart, as a mother, just broke.

I had to explain to him that sometimes people are mean, but it is not about him, it is about them not being happy/content inside (okay, so I simplified it a bit more, but you get the gist). I asked if he wanted to go home but he wanted to keep playing. The resilience is good.

We left just 5 minutes later and on the way out the playground Il Tonino was running, tripped, and busted his upper lip. There was blood all over as soon as I picked him up. He scraped the outer part of his upper lip, and cut the inside of his upper lip with his teeth. So just a lot of surface wounds but his teeth were fine, whew. But ouch. His lip totally swelled up during the day. Thank goodness for breastmilk. It is much better now.

Oh and it started raining on the way back from the playground.

The rest of the day has not been so easy, mostly because he is hurting, I think. His lip hurts, and I think whether or not he realizes it, his heart hurts just a little, too. He's seen people being not nice to other people, but this is the first time that it has happened to him in a way that is not 'a little kid playing with you and then just bonking you on the head' type of scenario. We took some sage and smudged him, and are just trying to give him lots of love while being patient while he lashes out a little. He's been unusually destructive today, and I was glad to have some bubble wrap in the garage for him to use as a safe outlet. He LOVED popping all the bubbles. Not the greenest thing to do, but makes for a saner family?

Hoping for a more gentle day tomorrow.