Monday, October 20, 2008

Children with Siblings

When I was younger, I had a very best friend from 1st grade through 12th. We were in every class together for the first 8 years (the benefits of going to a school with one classroom per grade) and then in the same high school. We had a great time together.

However, there was one thing that made me crazy -- she would occasionally spank slap me on the butt. I really, really, really disliked that. It always took me by surprise and felt like more like a punishment rather than a form of affectionate touching. But that is how she meant it -- she was the 2nd of 4 children, each spaced 2 years apart, and they were a rowdy, affectionate, physical bunch. I, on the other hand, am the oldest child with a sister born 6.5 years after me. We were raised that it was *not* okay to hit each other (which we did sometimes -- we would hit each other when our frustration levels with each other got out of control. As the older sister, I got the brunt of the punishment for it.)

Il Tonino is very gentle. It is very rare that he hits anyone or anything. Thus when someone hits or shoves him, he gets very surprised and upset and it usually results in tears. I am starting to notice that when he plays with kids who are the oldest/don't have other siblings old enough to play with, physical rowdyness rarely happens. However, when he interacts with those with older siblings or many siblings, he will sometimes be pushed/shoved or something happens that is not physically nice.

Seems to me this is a trend? Usual? If nothing else, it just makes me want to watch a little bit closer when Il Tonino is playing with others who have siblings. Not in a bad way, just keeping my eye out... I certainly don't think this applies to everyone who has siblings, but that is what I have experienced so far. Your thoughts?

2 comments:

Rebekah said...

I'm 8 years younger than my next-oldest sibling. She slapped me once when I was 6 or so, and I've NEVER forgotten it.

My brother has triplets (now 18), and when they were tiny, they used to roll around on the floor together like a pile of puppies whenever they played. They were always amazingly more physical with each other than any set of kids I knew.

My own two are FAR more physical with each other than I ever thought to be with my siblings. They tussle. They lie on top of each other when they sleep. They hug. They cuddle. They kiss each other goodbye. There are a lot of good and not-as-good physical interactions with siblings.

It's not all butt-spanks. :)

Leah Perlingieri said...

I personally think it has more to do with the touch-level of each household (modelled and/or set by parents) than with the sibling factor. There is a difference between playful touch and forceful touch though (not always clear to children) and I also like to be very close when my kids are little and playing with others, not just to protect them physically but also to know what is being said/how things are handled. I also expect my older children to know how be gentler and aware when "littles" are around, which of course is easier to teach when their are younger siblings in the home.