Connection

My husband has been in Peru for the last 9 days, having gone with his best friend for another ayahuasca experience. I wrote a bit about our experience with it in Brazil here.

When he first told me he wanted to go to Brazil, and that he would go with or without me, I knew that him going alone would be a deal breaker for our marriage. Our marriage was totally fine at the time, but this was an experience that was so different, profound, and life-changing that I knew that if he went alone he would come back a changed person and I wouldn't understand those changes or the experience he went through. So we all went together, and I am so glad we did, as the experience was amazing for me as well.

Even though our time in Brazil was incredible, the husband left feeling like he still had a lot more work to do with ayahuasca, and I agreed with him. My journeys left me feeling like a lot of good work had been done on me -- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and was satisfying. But not quite for him. We both knew he needed to return, the question was when. I had hoped that I would be able to go back with him, but it didn't work out that way.

After baby S died, husband's best friend C, who had been in Peru earlier this year for ayahuasca ceremonies, informed him that he was returning at the end of October and would my husband like to join him? I told him to go, and he jumped at it. We couldn't really afford it, but sometimes you gotta LIVE your life, and make it work best you can. And if I couldn't go with him (both for financial reasons and because I just didn't feel like it was the right timing for me), then I was thrilled he was going with C. And I just know that I'm getting an even better husband, friend, father to Il Tonino out of this deal.

So now he's been there 9 days, and he's been through 4 ceremonies so far, with one last one to go. Luckily we've been in touch at least once a day via email, so I have gotten to hear little tidbits here and there about what's been happening. Every night that there has been a ceremony, I've been acutely aware and alert, knowing my best friend, my love is going through an intense journey. What has been striking, though, is that I have been aware of the mood of his journey before and during the time he is experiencing it, and my intuition is confirmed the next day when I get an email with a brief message describing the previous night's ceremony.

This connection probably wouldn't be as strong if I hadn't had my own ayahuasca experiences. Even though we are many thousands of miles and 3 time zones apart, we are still able to share this experience together, and I am grateful for that. I am so glad he gets to have this experience and I can't wait for him to be home.