Running

(I'm still here. And feeling very grateful for my friends and all the support they give me.)

Also grateful for running. I started running as a freshwoman in high school. My dad has been a runner since his college days, and a darn good one, too. Remember the annual Cascade Run-off? He did that every year since moving to P-town in 1974. To this day, he still runs (and does triathlons now!) and I must say it is awesome having a parent who runs and with whom I can share the joys of running, especially in P-town. (Think squishy running shoes on pouring rain days.)

So I started running cross-country in high school. I wasn't particularly good or fast, but I was okay and I loved being on the team and enjoying how good it made my body feel. Summer before junior year I trained really hard and made the varsity team that fall. Then senior year I didn't join the team. I wanted to focus more on my academics, but in hindsight, I didn't particularly like the coach, either (I had 3 different coaches in the 3 years I ran, and the 3rd coach was pretty hard-core). I think he kind of took the fun out of it, you know, run to WIN rather than run to just do it. Not my style.

College I ran on my own on and off, just for exercise. Luckily my frosh roommate had also run cross-country in high school, so we occasionally ran together, and supported each other. I have good memories of the route I ran during college. (By the way, my roommate and I must have made quite a funny-looking pair while running. She was short, blonde, and ran with very long strides. I was tall, brunette, and ran shorter strides despite my long legs. But we actually had a good rhythm together.)

Then sometime soon after college I stopped running. I am not entirely sure why, but my body started to hurt more, especially my knees. Maybe it was all the pot I smoked. Maybe it was the completely crappy diet I had at that time. Whatever it was, I stopped, occasionally tried again, stopped again.

I took a nice, long break from running for awhile. About a year after having Il Tonino, I started to get a tiny urge to run again. But I ignored it while watching, somewhat jealously, all the sleek, slim runners around P-town. I remembered how my body didn't like running, and didn't think it would be any different. But it was growing inside me. Then I went to Brazil. I've mentioned before what an amazing experience that was, and how it transformed me in so many ways. It also totally gave me the desire and will to start running again. So a couple months before Jake turned 2, I pulled out some running shoes and got started. It was slow going at first, but I built up and then really started to enjoy it. The enjoyment factor increased 10-fold when I discovered that I had a way to plug my cochlear implant directly into an iPod, and my sister gave me a shuffle that she was not using. There is nothing better than listening to Madonna and other favorites while pounding the pavement.

I stopped running again 6 weeks into my pregnancy with baby S. Too sick, too tired. I now know that it was because the pregnancy wasn't healthy. It was hard to stop running again but at the same time I was very happy!

After baby S was gone all I wanted to do was go running. My mind ached to run in the midst of my grief. However, doctor's orders were that I wait 6 weeks, so I did, while looking forward to the day I could pull those running shoes on again and go. When that day came, it felt so damn good.

Back in high school and college, running was so physical for me. The mental part was hard, but I loved how it made me feel, physically. Now it is so much more mental. I am grateful for the benefits to my health, but anytime I am stressed or just feel emotional, there is nothing like running for processing those emotions, calming me down, helping me to face what needs to be faced.

So rain or shine, I run.