Intense sorrow is exhausting. It's been so long since I've experienced that, that I didn't remember it. By the end of the day we're ready to crawl into bed by 6pm. But somehow, 3 year olds are not ready for bed at that time. We're working on an earlier bedtime routine, though, which is easier now that it is getting darker earlier.
Having my milk come in full-force was so incredibly painful, I almost would have rather gone through labor again. I cannot understand how some women do not nurse their baby at all. At one point I was ready to go out and grab someone's baby and put the baby to my breast just for some relief. Instead I had to get through it with my pump, some massage oil, and cold compresses. Not how I envisioned it at all.
I am so grateful my labor was so smooth and short. I plan to write out the birth story a bit later. I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to do it at home. The hardest part was watching, through the upstairs window, the funeral home guy drive away with my baby.
I have a beautiful angel baby. I also have an empty belly, full breasts, and empty arms.
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6 comments:
Lee, I still weep for you all and your loss. It must have been heartbreaking to watch the truck drive away. :( It's amazing how our kids show us that life goes on, even when we want to curl up in a ball. Thinking of you. <3
I love you Lee! <3
Lee, My words escape me as I weep for your loss. You continue to be in my heart and thoughts. Love, Nicole
Sending you healing comfort and heaps of love!!! <3
I also cannot imagine the heartbreak of watching that truck drive away. You are so brave, and so strong, and I admire you so very much.
so much love to you.
You are amazing, Lee. Powerful even in this terrible, awful, grieving time. Love to you, Urban Shaman, Il Tonino and baby S. We are ALL thinking of your family and holding our hopes for your healing closely.
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