I went back to work this past Monday. Since I only have to walk 20 feet from my bed to the computer (in my pajamas, if I so choose), and don't have to face co-workers in an office, this seemed like no big deal. Plus, with no baby to care for, I figured the distraction would help. Never mind that the distraction could just have easily come in the form of Hulu shows and Netflix movies (the Sex in the City movie is waiting for me). I like to feel useful.
But it hasn't been as easy as I anticipated. I sit there, attempting to review reports, which requires the use of my rational, logical brain. Instead, I find my emotional brain sapping most of my brainpower, with a lovely complement of emotions -- sadness! gratefulness! sorrow! and most recently, guilt (which totally sucks).
So instead of whipping through reports as I'm used to, I find myself having reviewed all of 2 reports in the same span of time I used to do 5 or 6. Which is frustrating. And while I'm totally able to forgive myself for this extreme slowness, I am also wondering, how long is it going to take me to get my brain back??
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3 comments:
heh, yeah it probably would not have occured to me that the "emotional" brain would sap so much energy from the "logistical" brain but it makes sense.
i loved the sex in the city movie; just watched it again a few days ago. a good, long fix for those us of who loved the show...and i hear they are making a 2nd already!
I don't know when your brain will come back but I hope you know this is totally normal. Give yourself space to do what you can, when you can. Be gentle with my friend Lee :)
Guilt? this is a horrible emotion that is strangely part of grief. I'm sorry it's plaguing you. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I hereby invent the salmonberry smoothie
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