Grace

I feel like a huge jumble of emotions these days, with no one emotion standing out above the rest. It's enough to give me a headache sometimes, and then I just try to get a little relief by watching a TV show or movie, going for a walk, or having a nice glass of wine.

It's been a sad year for me and my mama friends as far as pregnancies/non-pregnancies go. We're all ready for some good news and happier times. I'm so ready (I think?) to be pregnant again but my ND has asked that I hold off for awhile. Easier said than done (condoms suck).

Looking back on baby S's pregnancy, there are so many little things that were little warning signs, indications of something not quite right, gut feelings that I couldn't understand. Like when we heard his heartbeat with the doppler at 12 weeks and I burst into tears and just sobbed, without quite knowing why. But hindsight is 20/20 and even though one can look back on all those things, one has to take the lessons learned and move forward. Hopefully gracefully.