It seems maybe the relief from the ultrasound was only sort of temporary? This morning it was a very long time (or so it seemed) before I felt the baby moving, and I had to fight this rising wave of terror/panic that was building up within me. With baby S. I felt him kick one morning, and then... nothing. The next day I was doing all kinds of things to try to get him to move, and still nothing (and denial, of course). It wasn't until the 3rd day that I messaged my midwife and mentioned that the baby wasn't moving.
I'm so afraid of re-living that. It sucks.
I think by this time baby is starting to do those wake/sleep cycles, and logically I know that. And I'm only 19 weeks along, and baby is still small.
This is going to be a long pregnancy.
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3 comments:
Oh my sweet sweet friend. I can only imagine what that terror and panic must feel like. Do you have anyone who has had a pregnancy after still birth that you can talk to? I have a very dear friend in NY who I am sure would be happy to email with you and support you.
For what it's worth, I am here for you, and happy to hold your hand, reassure you and let you share your fears.
Loveylee, I am thinking so hard of you, and will be for the next 21 weeks. Someday, fortunately, all this anxiety will be in the past. But for now, love love love love strength and love to you!!!
thinking of you and your sweet bean. <3
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